We're writing this both because it serves as a good example, and because we genuinly feel bad for this as result of those involved not being likely to understand our perspective. ..Also because we've not the energy to write it by hand for our fedi account.
[edit; may want to make a seperate blog or work out a better way to make posts like this here such that they can be seperate from our newsletter portion, not decided yet (no easy way other than a seperate blog entirely)]
We'd gone to the store to pick up a couple of drinks, with the clerk in the shopping area rather than behind the counter. Someone else comes to the counter from behind us. The clerk goes to them, both standing in front, and asks " 'you ready?" (to pay), they say they are and do so. But, we'd misheard him as saying 'your id?', and when he asks us we hear the same again, it taking the other customer to correct us for us to figure out we'd misheard.
We're upset by mishearing this not only because its clear we in part misheard his accent, but also because we didn't understand why we misheard it /as/ that; neither we nor the other customer were buying anything that needed ID, nor was there anything the clerk could mistake as needing it.
In other words if there was need to explain our actions then, or later, we couldn't. So, understanding how our mind works, we think back- was there anything about the situation that could cause us to associate what we were seeing with that phrase, even when others might not?
And, there was- The clerk, having been out from behind the counter and it taking too long to get back to be worth the effort, had come up from behind us and the customer to ask if we were ready.
The customer was also much shorter than the clerk..
As a result, when we remembered the moment again, the first image it triggered a subconcious association with was of authority figures;
Someone with authority in a space (the clerk) comes up from behind, stands over another, and asks "you_ __d[_]?" - so when we couldnt make out the words.. we filled in the blanks, instinctively.
This might not matter to most, and in this case it didn't result in any problems. But, instinctive associations like this have occured for us in past; We generally take longer to adapt to new people and situations, as a result, tending to mistakes caused by our previous expectations. However, at the same time, as result of how easily we can learn and change those expectations if we try- We can learn and change much more quickly provided, we know we should and know doing so won't endanger us.
We expect that this has nontheless been an issue for us, because trauma results in a great many associations that we could feel shouldn't be changed for our own safety, or that we'd feel could harm others to change.
It'd certainly be quite the coincidence if we, whom have so much trauma from authority figures, just happened to mishear what we did in that moment.